Brida is who I am
Saturday, June 27, 2009

Just finished reading Brida, a completely stunning book by Paulo Coelho. Honestly, this is my first Coelho's book. I didn't went over the anxiety of The Alchemist, truthfully I knew Coelho from this guy. This guy whom I'd like to talk about on my next post. The book itself tell us about the story of a witch-to-be young woman, about my age, while she's living a perfect life, with a right job, right boyfriend, and like every human in this world. She craves for another adventure. Adventure involving learning witchcraft from 2 teachers (who apparently had some history in the past) and all of it leads to finding who's her true soulmate is, and knowing that a woman can choose. Yes, a woman can choose. Even if you already meet your soulmate, what if your heart doesn't tell feel like be with him. According to the book, Soulmate is where 1 soul has divided into 2 souls and wanders through the journey of time and centuries. They are reincarnated into people who will randomly meet, and see the a point of light on each other's left shoulder. And that's when you know you find your Soulmate. And it's merely not impossible that 2 soulmates live in 1 track of time. That's when you have to choose. Enough about the book, let me tell you, what the book has done to me. Not really significant actually, but apparently, I really can relate to what she feels. Particularly what written below "I'm afraid of committing myself", she thought to herself. She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none. You had to take some risks, follow some paths and abandon others. -Brida pg.97 Ya, I'm too afraid to commit myself for anything now. I'm always run, run from the people who approach me, run from choices I might have, run from the chances people offered, run from anything. Just because I'm afraid of what will come if I do that. Yes, end I ended up following nothing.

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Quick note at 10.45
Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Scene: sitting crossed legs, plain nails, without any color
Sound: The Great Fiction - Body Urge (repeat one - mode on)


Turning your back on someone sometimes can be a good thing to do.

When you walk away from a person whom you have mutual feelings with, somehow come the urge to turn around and see him/her once again. You can follow it with a smile, or maybe just catch a glimpse of his sight, it's eligible enough to be the best ending of your night.

Believe it or not, this is how I find out there's something wrong with my ex, let's call it 'D'. Not to compare (well duh..I'm comparing them now), but my other ex-es, let's call it 'P', somehow always turn his back whenever he was about to leave me.
Even when we just spent our wholeday wandering around the city, go to Circle K, eating hawker food, and exhausted from a crowded gigs, when he left..it's good to look him in the eye once again before he's finally gone. While D, when he left, he just walk away and never turn his back. I remember them time when I wait for him to turn, I said to myself "turn around, turn around..". And of course, he never did that.

So basically, I really appreciate this small act.
I personally think, this is the reason why:
1. It means he/she really enjoy spending time with you. And she can't stand the thought of leaving you when the night's over. So, to turn his back once again and catch a glimpse of you is the most rational thing to do at the time.
2. Maybe he / she just want the same thing, and expect you to stare at them so when they turn their back, tadaaaa...your eyes met, and again, it becomes the best ending of your night.

Hm, such a mellow note for tonight. And just so you know, it's inspired by tonight's episode of CSI NY, when detective Mac Taylor just asked someone for a date, and she turned her back and smiled to him. And Mac said "She turn her back..it's a good sign".

It's a very good sign indeed.
:)

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one of my Summer guys
Sunday, June 7, 2009

You know the thing called summer romance, a so-called romantic relationship you had with a random guy you met on summer holiday. The fling just appeared for 3 months, you enjoy the relationship, and then summer end, and so is your relationship.
You move on with your regular life, looking for another romance, but still that guy will stay in your heart (or at least your mind).

It's not like I have that summer romance, but I have these guys that I had fling with, but never goes anywhere. They will be forever be in my heart.
I'm about to tell you the story of one of them.

It's been so long since the last time I saw him.
Suddenly, I was surprised I met him last night, at a place I never thought I would see him.
Me too, it was not my kind of place either.
With his long-sleeved shirt, he looked gorgeous, and neat. Really different from what I thought he was. I thought he's not into that kind of music, and that kind of place. Since he is so artsy and quirky.

But when I see him last night, moving slowly, damn he was something.
And surprisingly, he said hi to me! How lucky I am!

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Stop this train
Saturday, June 6, 2009

Have you ever feel that your day went pass you by just like that?
Going from am to pm and another am again, and it feels exactly the same as the one you had before
When you wake up in the morning, not having enough desire to get out of bed, just because you're afraid of what you might feel at the end of the day.
Will it be the same boredom and your desire of life is getting less and less and less.

It's what I feel everyday when I see the clock is already 6.30 am, get up and do the routines.
Back home at 8 pm, already exhausted to even talk to my mom and sis, watch TV, or the long-abandoned Brida book that had been left unread for about, 3 months.
I barely talk about this with people.
All I can hear is the voice of myself, talking to myself that I can do this I can do this.
I blame the positivity of mind which has been my mutual proud, but this time it failed me.

I do appreciate weekend more than ever, is it a sign that i'm getting bored of my job? Or is it because of everyone at work is getting less in the count of weeks? What if I'm the only one left alone, struggling while no one else cared. I think I should consider that long time ago.
When I decided to look for a job at record label company, or media-related agency, or else that involved great adventure and good salary ;p

Just like John Mayer said
"Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?"

I'm riding a fast-track train, maybe running 125 miles/hour, and I just starting to notice that I'm riding alone.

"So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun"

Now that I'm alone, will at least someone out there stop this train?

All lyrics taken from 'Stop This Train' by John Mayer

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